Love.

There are few sights more beautiful than this...

New ones!! 

10 weeks old

Friends came to visit and meet Hazel! 

Quinn (Tim and Krista's daughter) is now 15 months old! Krista is laying down because she didn't feel well- she's pregnant again!! Due in April. 

Sleeping in the sling 

Justin gets to be daddy nanny on Mondays. He loves that time with hazel. Why am I in italics? Oh well. 

Tubbie plus media time. Normal. 

She's an angry milk drunk. 

#bigface

Outlaw.

I'm an outlaw. I'm NIP without a cover!!! At coffee's house 

Happy 2 month birthday, Hazel Lynne!

Our sweet angel baby was born 2 months ago

Today was my first day back at work. It was very hard. Mamas aren't meant to be away form their babies this young (ever?). But I am so grateful that Justin has Mondays off, and he was home with her today. I'm also grateful to live so close to work that I could come home at lunch and nurse her, so she only needed 2 bottles today. Finally, I'm grateful to have grandparents who will watch her Wednesday and Thursday this week, the other days I work. 

Waiting for the first bottle to warm up today ("I have to wait to eat?!?")

After the first bottle ("that's better, daddy")

And this is what mama was doing during that time (she usually eats 3oz at one time- I've been lucky to have an overproduction thus far so no worries about milk drying up here!) 

She's still a good sleeper- she likes to sleep up against the side of the mattress. 

Best thing ever

We had a Thanksgiving dinner with the Kennedys and mom and dad Christensen on Saturday. Someone other than me put all the leftovers away. When I went to make a leftover plate for dinner, I saw this awesome example of reusing ziplocks. 

Why yes, I would like a crescent rolls for labor ;) 

Lip tie update and 8 weeks old

Great news- Hazel can nurse now!!! Saturday afternoon, we had our first ever nursing session without pain on the right side! The left side was always a little better, and she's almost perfect on that side by now. The right side is at about 75% - about every 4th session it is painful for me. But I am beyond happy!!!

At our follow-up last week, the stitch in her lip had not dissolved yet, and the specialist thought that could be why she hasn't re-learned how to nurse. She made the analogy that it's like she has been waking with a rubber band around her legs, and now she has to learn to walk without it. I wasn't so sure, but with the extra time off of work, I felt comfortable taking the time to see the stitch heals before going to another specialist downstate. 

I am so so so happy that it has healed and she has (pretty much) learned how to nurse again. I am not looking forward to returning to work, so I knew I desperately wanted ton keep nursing to keep that bond between us when I am home with her. I am just elated that it will work out :)

Here's some pics of our 8 week old girl

How many CCs can you spot in this picture?

Cutie pie

Here, she was smiling huge smiles, and I would take out my phone to snap a pic, and she would do this face. I have like 20 pics on my phone with this same expression (haha) 

She is definitely reaching for toys now! Here she got Mr. Elephant!

She is so comfortable here...

Getting ready for winter

Leaves gone in the front! 

And the Buick is in the garage! Along with the snow blower. 

The backyard is another story...

Guess what...

Guess who slept through the night for the last two nights?

THIS GIRL DID!

Good job baby girl!

Swaddled and in the bassinet right next to daddy's side of the bed. 

Baby Celeste!

So happy we got to FaceTime with baby Celeste yesterday! What a cutie pie. And great job Becky on the birth!

Markers

Grey always wants us to take a picture of him holding lots of markers. 

These were two separate days, he just happens to be wearing the same outfit. (Justin often dresses him in a collared shirt and sweatpants)

7 weeks

Still nursing the same... the specialist said everything is healing nicely with the lip tie and that there's no tongue tie. So I'm seeing the nurse in town tomorrow to get some tips. If that doesn't help I have the name of a lactation consultant 2 hours away in Petoskey that I could see next week. I'm still in a lot of pain but she is eating for longer periods so that's good (longer for her, but not "normal" since she is eating for 6 min on one side instead of the normal 10-20 min on both sides). 

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. 

Anyways, here's pics of Hazel from this week

At a friend's baby shower

Going for a walk

She grabbed Mr. Elephant! Or her fingers accidentally or caught and she couldn't get them off...

Cozy jamas

Morning time with brother 

Lip tie

As some of you may know, Hazel has been a sucky nurser since she was born. Actually, she technically hasn't been a "sucky" nurser (haha). 

It started with lots of pain for me in the early weeks. Her latch looked good from the outside, and she obviously gained weight like a champ, so the advice I got was to just wait until I toughened up and/or her mouth grew a little bigger. (I will say here that we don't have a lactation consultant in town, nor a La Leche League. So I have been seeing the nurse that teaches the breastfeeding classes at the hospital. She is nice and helpful, but not extremely knowledgable). 

Well, after she measured in the 90th percentile in weight and height, and I was still in a lot of pain, I knew something else was going on. She "grew up" and her latch still looked good from the outside, so the nurse I work with was kind of stumped about what it could be. 

This is where I turned to my friend, the Internet. I searched her symptoms (pain for mama, short nursing sessions followed by sleep, gagging and choking on milk, and a smacking/clicking noise in the back of her throat) and came across the tongue tie/lip tie diagnosis. While I couldn't get a look under her tongue, I was able to look under her lip, and this is what I saw: 

A lip tie is having an excess of skin that holds your upper lip to your gums. It is hereditary, and both Grey and Justin have pretty big ones! It keeps her upper lip ticked while nursing, so she can't take my nipple deep in her mouth (sorry TMI male readers), and that's what's causing the clicking, which is putting traction on my nipples. It also causes her to get tired quickly because she has to use more muscles to swallow the milk, vs having it shoot right in the back of her throat. And, as you could guess, it also causes her to gag on her mouthfuls of milk. 

In my research I have found that it is very common (check yours!), and that it doesn't always affect breastfeeding. I also found that it is often missed or misdiagnosed because it was actually taken out of medical books because it does not affect bottle feeding. As breastfeeding is coming back around as being more popular, it is gaining traction in the medical world. But, I live in the f-ing tundra, so no one knows about it here. 

By this point in my story, I have gotten no answers from the nurse or my pediatrician about my continued pain, her short nursing sessions and choking, and I was frustrated. I had an instinctive feeling that something else was going on, but I didn't want to be the person that just reads symptoms on the Internet and is convinced that is what is wrong. So, I emailed two doctors that I found online, one in NYC and one in the UK. They both said it was a for sure lip tie, with a possible tongue tie, too. Finally, a possible answer!

I immediately got an appointment with our pediatrician to get a referral to a specialist to get it taken care of; I knew from a Facebook Alpena breastfeeding group that no one revises ties in Alpena. I was discouraged, however, to find that I would need to wait up to 14 days to get preapproval to go to a spcialist in Petoskey. My deadline to go back to work was fast approaching, and I was nervous. 

Well, luckily the referral went through in 6 days, and I got right in for an appointment. We went over as a family (minus crazy man) on Tuesday of last week and got it snipped. But it wasn't just as easy as getting it snipped as I had read on the Internet; Hazel had such a wide tie that the lip wouldn't stop bleeding. While tongue ties have very little bleeding and complications, and many nurse right away and it's almost immediately better, lip ties are much more complicated. They bleed more and can reattach. I knew all this ahead of time, but I wasn't prepared for how much would be needed to stop the bleeding. I think Hazel was a special case, and not in the "normal" realm, because she needed a chemical burn, cauterizing, and one stitch to stop the bleeding (and the doctor said that she usually only does one of those three). This all happened while Justin helped to hold her down with the nurse. It lasted about 5 minutes in total, and it was the worse thing ever. But, I figured that if this is what it takes, we will bear through it. 

The specialist said that nursing "should" be almost immediately better. Well, that was definitely not the case for us. Actually, it hurts a lot worse than before we got it snipped. She can only nurse for, at the max, 3 minutes at a time. This consequently has her eating more frequently. Plus, her latch is visibly very poor. I have read that it could take a few weeks for the baby to fully heal, hence re-learn how to use their muscles in this new way. But, all I can think is - what if it's a case like before, where waiting does nothing but cause me pain and make me frustrated? What if there's something else wrong (tongue tie) and we don't catch it? Grr...

I am beside myself. This is why people quit breastfeeding. I am getting no answers from anyone up here, and the traction we have made is only because I have researched, pushed, and spent time on the phone with insurance to get things  expedited. 

We are going day-by-day at this point, not giving bottles (so as not to cause nipple confusion since it is like she is learning to nurse all over again) and nursing for ~2 minutes every two hours. She is still gaining weight, so she must be getting my hind milk (good thing I have an overproduction! More than enough milk plus 60+ oz in the freezer from when I have had to pump because she fell asleep before finishing). 

I will get in this week with the specialist in Petoskey for a follow-up, with our pediatrician, and with the nurse that teaches the breastfeeding classes. Since Hazel is still clicking when she nurses (and still gags), I am thinking she has a tongue tie too. The specialist looked last week and said she did not see one, but I don't know about that. I researched that there are posterior, or hidden, tongue ties that are harder to diagnose. Since things aren't getting better, I'm thinking (maybe hoping...?) that she has a tongue tie. 

I don't know why I'm posting all of this. Sometimes I feel like our blog (just like Facebook) can be only the bright and shiny parts of our life. Just like my sister Erica has posted on her blog lately, this just plain sucks! It's the worst! Good think Hazel is cute. Otherwise we would send her back :) 

Halloween!

Grey was so excited for Halloween this year. We have really enjoyed watching him get into this holiday. I honestly think this is the first holiday where he "got" what's was going on and didn't just go along with what we told him to do. Here's some pics of our Halloween fun this week. 

It was spirit week all week at preschool. Here is GG outside of the preschool main doors on wear orange/be a pumpkin day. 

Camo day (with a plaid shirt...? Justin got him dressed this day). 

Making treats for the preschool Halloween party. 

Final product 

Cupcakes for his teachers 

This is what GG did while I decorated the teacher cupcakes

Mini cupcakes for his preschool friends. They were my signature pumpkin cupcakes that I make every year (nut- and dairy-free). 

The last chain link! Halloween is here! The countdown chain really helped him understand when Halloween was. We have tried it in the past and he never quite "go it," but he definitely did this time!

All the kids at preschool went trick-or-treating down their small road to the local businesses. It was 30 degrees and snowing/sleeting, but they still went out! Tough Alpena kids :) 

Hazel and I waited inside the school for the kids to return. Grey must talk about Hazel a lot because all the kids knew her name :)

Just about the cutest thing ever- Grey at circle time doing the movements to a rhyme about an alligator eating monkeys. It is a countdown song, and he was always the first one to say how many monkey were left. He's such a big boy now! 

The kids then got to choose a coloring sheet. It was so awesome to see him doing preschool. He is so much more focused (and well-behaved!) in this setting. I especially liked seeing him interact with the other kids. He had one seat next to some friends, but he went with me to pass out teacher cupcakes and he lost that seat. I thought he might freak out, but he just got another chair from the stack and went to another table to sit. Once he sat down, he started making small talk with the kids there ("oh, you chose the pumpkin just like me!"). It was the cutest thing. He is really a big boy now. 

Trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. We had quite a few houses in the 2 blocks we walked, and everyone loved his costume!

We drove to a few houses- this one is the house of someone Justin works with, and they were giving out full-sized candy bars! 

I had to teach MaKenna and Grey how to trade candy at the end of the night. 

What a fun Halloween! Can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas :)